Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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