I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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