I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
