just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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