I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it because I queefed?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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