If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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