Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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