You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
