ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
