I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
