I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
