Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
