that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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