tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
