please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
