I wish you could order shots online.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
