Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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