i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
