I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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