booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
