when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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