I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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