she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
