apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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