I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
