Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
