I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
