She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
