i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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