I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
