Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
