i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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