Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
