im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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