I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
