I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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