ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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