Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
