like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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