I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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