i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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