do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
