i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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