I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
