It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
