hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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