I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
