just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
