please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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