My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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