i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
