so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
