Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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