A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
