i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am available for nakedness
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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