SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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